Wonka's Last Golden Ticket
by M155 C0nfu510n
Summary: Childlike curiosity leads to trouble for a certain substitute Shinigami. What's Ichigo to do now that Yuzu has found Wonka's last golden ticket?


I'm gonna let this title be the only explanation to the plot heheheh~ -3- ~ I got's the idea from a tumblr post so enjoy~ u Also I'm giving Ichi a car in this because reasons… - you'll figure it out… Hope you like a clueless/childlike Yuzu~ Also I'm trying to keep to the bleach universe (even though I don't know it…) soooo yeah~

For those wondering, this is YAOI! Only a little bit though, like almost barely there- just a little description... ON TO THE SHOW!

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It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon in the town of Karakura, the Kurosaki family enjoying the unusual peace that permeated the air. Ichigo was upstairs in his room, headphones tucked into his ear as his eyes lazily raked through a thick chemistry book to prepare for a test the coming Monday. Karin had left earlier to play soccer with some friends, Isshin chose to relax in front of the TV with a large bowl of popcorn and still clothed in his pajamas. Yuzu had followed her twin to the park, watching silently from a bench as they ran from one end of the field to the other.

Raising a hand to shield the scorching sun, Yuzu sighed tiredly. Standing from her perch, the brunet waved towards her sister, one hand still keeping the intense sun from burning her eyes. Karin saw her twin and called time, jogging lightly towards Yuzu before plopping on the bench.

"What's up?" Karin grabbed her water bottle from the ground and took a deep swig, wiping the excess away as she turned towards Yuzu.

"I think I'm gonna go home, it's getting pretty hot and I wanna make sure Ichi-nii and dad haven't destroyed the house yet." Karin nodded to her twin before lightly waving her off, waiting until Yuzu was out of sight before returning to her game.

Yuzu walked casually down the suburban streets of Karakura, her mocha eyes directed skyward as her feet took the familiar path back home. Reaching her home, she quickly entered, sighing at the cool air that rushed across her burning skin. Her eyes trailed over the house as she continued towards her room, smiling happily at the lack of change. Sending a quick wave to her distracted father- he was really into that comedy, the bowl of popcorn balanced precariously on his knees threatening to fall with his raucous laughter- Yuzu quickly made the walk to her room.

Falling onto her bed with a huff, Yuzu allowed herself to relax, eyes closing as she reached for 'Bostov'. Her hand moved lazily against the sheets as she searched out the plush lion, fingers gripping nothing but air. Opening her hazy mocha orbs she sat up, yawning as her eyes scanned the room for any sign of the plushie. Standing slowly she left her room and headed towards Ichigo's. Knocking a few times she waited for a reply, brow furrowing as she knocked again with a little more force. When she didn't get an answer she slowly pushed the door open.

"I'm coming in." Yuzu peered into her brother's room, smiling softly at the sleeping teen, ear buds still tucked into his ears. Her smile slowly turned to a frown as she scanned the room for no sign of Bostov. She quietly closed the door before heading downstairs to check with her father. Isshin was still laughing though it had been reduced to chuckles, the man jumping slightly at the soft tap against his shoulder. Turning, he grinned widely at his daughter.

"Ah, Yuzu! Would you like to watch a movie with papa?" Yuzu giggled softly at her father's antics before shaking her head lightly.

"Actually I was wondering if you've seen Bostov, I thought he was in my room but he's not." Yuzu pouted as she wondered of the whereabouts of her favorite plushie. Isshin rubbed his chin thoughtfully, eyes closed as he tried to recall the last glimpse of the animate lion doll. Snapping his fingers, he startled Yuzu, laughing as he remembered.

"Wasn't he with you when Ichigo took you and Karin to that movie last night?" Yuzu thought back to last night, pointer finger prodding her lip as she did so. She didn't exactly recall much considering she fell asleep on the ride home, so it's a safe bet Bostov was still in Ichi-nii's car. Smiling she walked towards the front door, stopping to grab her brother's keys from a small bowl on the table by the door. Exiting the house she quickly walked towards the car, mentally cursing as she opened the door only to be blasted by a wave of molten air. Stepping back to take a much cooler breath, Yuzu quickly crawled along the back seats of the car searching high and low for the wayward lion. She pouted as her search came up empty, sitting on her calves in the back seat as she glared half-heartedly at the floor of the car.

Yuzu blinked as something shiny reflected the evil sunlight into her eyes, holding a hand up to block the light. Tilting her head so the light didn't burn her retinas, Yuzu stared in confusion at the small, golden...thing she saw sticking out from under the driver's seat. Reaching down, Yuzu pulled the small square towards her face, squinting her eyes as she turned it this way and that. 'Magnum' was printed in bold black letters on one side but that was the only decoration. Pondering the word, Yuzu came to the conclusion that it had something to do with those new ice-cream bars that had been released.

This connection caused her imagination to thrive, thoughts of that American movie with the chocolate factory controlled by a crazy man with messed up teeth racing through her mind as she gazed at the golden square with newfound enthusiasm. _I wonder how Ichi-nii found this...maybe he was hoarding ice-cream?_

Forgetting about Bostov, Yuzu jumped from the car, square tucked safely in her pocket, and shut and locked the doors. Running into the house, she felt the cool air rush to surround her causing goosebumps to rise in its wake. She was practically bouncing as she fell onto the couch beside her father, Isshin staring quizzically at his excited daughter who still lacked the plush lion.

"Ichi-niihasagoldenticket! Ichi-niihasagoldenticket!" Isshin could only jab a finger into his ear, the appendage ringing from the excited shouts. Reaching out, Isshin grabbed Yuzu by the shoulder to stop her constant movements, smiling at the pure excitement that rolled off the usually calm girl.

"Why don't you slow down and tell papa what's going on. What's this about Ichigo?" Yuzu took a few calming breaths before divulging into her explanation, eyes twinkling in excitement.

"Well when I was looking for Bostov I found one of those golden tickets from that chocolate factory movie. See!" Yuzu pulled the little golden square from her pocket, thrusting it into Isshin's face with a grin.

Isshin didn't give any outward sign of emotion, but then again he felt as if his brain imploded. He swore he felt his heart stop (literally. He felt his breathing stop and his eyes start to blur before he forced the organ to do its job) the world falling away as he read the black words on the square.

"Magnum...xl…" Yuzu only tilted her head in confusion. She couldn't figure out why Isshin was acting so weird, he should be happy! They could go and see a factory made entirely out of candy! Even the grass! Before she could question his strange behaviors he jumped from the couch, tangling himself in the blankets before falling to the floor. Yuzu could only watch in confusion as Isshin tore through the covers- quite literally- and booked it towards the stairs, taking them two at a time. She jumped at the sudden shout from her father, staring at the stairs with a slight hesitancy before deciding to stay where she was to avoid the insanity that was surely taking place.

"ICCCCHHIIIGGOoo…" Isshin had seen many things in his life as a father of three. That combined with his lack of care for anything relating to one's privacy had scarred every member of the Kurosaki household on numerous occasions. So it was just another link in the endless chain as he walked (barged) into Ichigo's room to find his son and another teen with striking blue hair in a very…. _intimate_ position.

Isshin passed out at the sight of his son- or his son's soul but he didn't know that- naked, flushed with a blush as red as his name, panting, and riding the well endowed arrancar into nirvana. Ichigo had halted at the shout of his name and had somehow turned even redder at the sight of his unconscious father in his room's doorway.

The situation only got worse as Karin burst into the room, body freezing at the position of her brother and his 'guest', face slowly coloring before she backed out of the room, dragging Isshin with her. When the door closed behind the shocked girl, Ichigo slumped into the muscled chest of Grimmjow, face burning and throwing half-hearted curses at the laughing Sexta.

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"A week later I found a box of condoms on my bedside table with a note saying how 'proud he was of his beautiful son' that had tear stains on it- _stupid geezer_. And that's how goatface figured out we used Magnum's….and that I was having sex….and that I'm gay..." Ichigo mumbled the last part as he leaned back with a blush, the raucous laughter from his inner hollow causing tick marks to grow on his head.

"Didja finish?" Golden eyes leered at their opposite before the albino was sent flying with a well placed kick. Zangetsu only watched from his perch on a building a ways off from the two as Shiro went flying by, insane grin in place and manic laughter trailing behind him.

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER!"

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This story is stupid and I should be ashamed of myself... -.- hope you enjoyed the crap~ :b


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